It was one of those pleasant days in June that makes going outside imperative but the actual moments outdoors not entirely enjoyable, with too cool breezes piercing that constant glare. My mother and I went down the block to the fifth avenue festival and walked through crowds of chubby Brooklyn boys with flat-brimmed Yankees caps, thin lines of facial hair, and even thinner girlfriends, who wore shorts too short for June (and public display) and tank tops cut low enough to reveal thick strips of sturdy, Technicolor lace bras. We walked past trucks filled with vats of hot sausage and peppers ready to be scooped onto heroes, and long tables covered in catering trays (three bucks a plate—fill it yourself) set outside restaurants.
We each got large black iced coffees from a café and found a pizza-eating contest in which a friend was participating. Five men stood on a makeshift stage. We watched with our friend’s parents and girlfriend. Someone had a video camera. The participants were all pretty young, between 18 and 35 if I had to guess. They were all a little squishy though only one was traditionally overweight. They all ate no fewer than ten slices in twelve minutes. The winner ate more than fifteen, my friend lost with ten and a quarter. I watched, sipping at my iced coffee, occasionally turning away when a slice was rolled or shoved into a mouth too vigorously or some soda chugged sloppily. The camcorder switched between the mother and girlfriend’s hands. The father, a slight yet muscular, nearly blind real estate attorney, shook his head and wondered aloud why his son chose to do this, and in front of people? It was disgusting. He was going to make himself sick! I, too, was disgusted. Other than my coffee, I may have had a bowl of cereal or a piece of fruit that morning, maybe. But I was also somewhat jealous. I wanted to be able to eat twelve slices in twelve minutes and not be sick enough to die and hate myself for a slew of reasons after. I couldn’t eat one slice in twelve minutes without it hurting me and then thinking about it for the rest of the day.
